Thank You Anita!

I went to a funeral for one of my very good friends from High School whose Mom died. Mal's house was the house we all hang out at. His parents provided everything we needed for a great evening. Humor, a space in the basement to call our own and yes, even beer to play beer pong with. I know, I know, this is not a popular thing to post and totally not PC. But, the truth was that his parents had some thinking behind what they were doing. If we were going to be drinking they wanted it to be under a safe roof where there was supervision and where there would be no driving. Very smart actually, as I think back on it.

What prevailed at this Memorial service was a sense of humor and family that was, well, simply beautiful. Each one of 'Nita's children and grandchildren had stories and contributions in the form of movies etc. to recreate the life of a truly beautiful human being.

As I looked around the room and saw many people from New London, I realized how much a part of that community will always be a part of me. There was an incredible sense of acceptance for us as kids that just seemed to extend to today. Maybe it was something I created in my head, but all that I could feel was a sense of joy that this family had each other to help them through this tragedy. For it is a tragedy that she had to go at such an early age.

I was so moved by this service that I drove home in the torrential rain thinking that when I die, what do I want my legacy to be? For 'Nita, it was laughter and she was adamant that she be remembered as smart. As Mal said, I can still hear her laugh and through the footage that was done by Mike, we could all hear her laughter echoing through the halls as we left.

Why? Why I wondered also do we so often wait until death to celebrate the life of an individual? I was thinking how much she would have enjoyed being there laughing at the stories alongside everyone else. Why don't we celebrate the gifts of every moment like she was able to? Why do we get so caught up in the minutiae of life that overwhelms and strips away the beauty and life of every moment? Why don't we have parties that celebrate what is so wonderful every day???
Life is why we don't and yet, to think about this deifies the idea of what life should be! Are we really living each day to it's fullest?

Having gone through Emma's illness, I think I hang on to that notion as much as I can, but the truth is that I forget. We all forget. And as much as I love the idea of living in the present, it is often the past or the future that tries to take over. What am I doing here? What is my ultimate purpose? Life is for the living...and I need to get out there and do some more of it.

I am better at doing that with certain people. My sister, for example, is one of those people who I get with and I find that I can just be who I am and savour every moment. I think back to this summer in the jeep and how every breath was so acknowledged. Do I get this from her or is it simply the chemistry and common philosophy that we share? She is a force of life to be reckoned with and when I am with her I have that same sense of myself. With others, I do not experience that same excitement and zest for life. They are the energy suckers of the world who are more interested in bitching and complaining and waiting for life to happen to them instead of making life what it is they want it to be.

We all have things we could focus on in the negative...but honestly...wouldn't our time be better spent focusing on what is really great? Mal told a story about having his parents over for dinner on Sundays and how he and his Dad would cook these extravagant gourmet meals. He talked about how at every one how his Mom said every time, "This is the BEST meal I have ever had." And he believed her. He believed that in every moment, in that moment, it WAS the best meal she had ever had. She loved life. She loved each moment in life and from that we can all learn to savour every bite and see each moment as the best moment in life! Thank you Anita! Thank you to the Gilvar family for reminding me, once again, what really matters in life.