Saturday, June 25, 2011

Rest in Peace Mae and a CSA



I am joining a CSA called Stout Oak Farm and the farmer herself is Kate Donald, although she will always be Katie Sullivan to me. We first met many many years ago at Greenfield Farm in New London, NH where I taught horseback riding lessons and she was one of my students. She was a sassy little thing who would not take anything from anyone be it human or animal. I liked Katie right off, her spirit, her determination and fire and all at such a young age. I can still see her in her tan britches, tall black boots and her pony tail bobbing from left to right, stomping off with great conviction in an effort to get whatever it was she wanted or needed.

Fast forward about 20 years and I walk into the Blue Moon for lunch one day and this gorgeous woman, still with that long gorgeous ponytail, behind the counter asks, "Are you Tomasen?"

"Yes....," I reply searching the recesses of my grey matter to try to pinpoint just if and how I know this person.

"I am Katie Sullivan, you used to teach me horseback riding lessons and I owned Mae."

Ding, ding, ding the pinball in my brain rolled around each cortex making connections left and right leaving a shining array of colorful recognitions and memories behind. I smiled. Katie!! Yes, Katie.

You see, Mae (aka: Greenfield Farm's Maple Sugar) was my horse at Greenfield Farm. A feisty registered morgan that Kathy and Larry "gave me" to break and ride and train as my own as part of the deal for working and essentially living on the farm. I saw Mae come into the world in the most beautiful luminescent sac of magic, saw her stand up within minutes and saw the look of spirit in her eyes as she stared into mine and wobbled around the stall. Mae had a mind of her own from that very first day. I was the first one on Mae's back, the first to lunge her, the first to stroke her, the first to feed her from my hand, the first to show her (which she hated by the way) the first to do everything with her. There was a bond between us like no other I have ever experienced.

So, when it was time for me to go off to college, leaving her seemed impossible. Kathy and Larry called up some old friends at Merri-Lee farm in Lee and had Mae transferred there so that I could ride her. I would borrow someone's car or jump on my bike clad in riding boots and britches and ride over to be with my horse. But, Mae was not happy there and the times that I could actually get to the barn became less and less. The places to ride were difficult terrain and Mae, it seemed, missed her family and her home at Greenfield Farm. She was clearly pissed off that my visits were so far and few between. She became obstinate, trying to throw me at every turn. The fire in her eyes now had a red anger to them as well. After one semester, she went back home and they decided to breed her.

I will never forget the night I got the phone call in the middle of the night that Mae was in labor. My barn buddy Jen and I jumped in her yellow tinged Maverick and drove all the way up Route 4 from UNH to see Gus arrive just as we did. Magic again I tell you. Sheer magic. Life. Amazing.

Not long after, or maybe even before that, Katie bought Mae as her very own. I remember feeling jealous at first. Not sure that anyone but ME should own Mae, but I also remembered that spirit and realized they were perfect for each other. Katie, a good 6 or 7 years younger than me, had the time to be with Mae and work with her and be with her when I could not.

So how do I get from Mae to a CSA? Kate is now leasing her own farm and has been at the Farmer's Market for several years, but THIS is the year I have been waiting for as she has also created a CSA and I am in! I am excited to support Kate in her lifelong dream and to be a part of healthy living, supporting a local and blessed farmer and to eat locally. You know the drill...ALL great stuff!!

A rainy Thursday, a slow farmer's market, I stop by and find Katie under her tent surrounded by her beautiful bounty. She tells me this is the year she is selling shares in her crops. We chat, exchange information and then a wash of sadness crosses her face. "Mae died." she tells me as tears filled her eyes. We reminisce about the life of leisure Mae retired to up on the mountain right above my sisters house. "She lived a long life" and we figured she was probably about 36 years old. Could that even be? Or was it 32? Whatever it was, she lived a long life, a beautiful life and she was loved. Kate speaks about her last owner who loved Mae as we did. We exchange a look of sadness, a knowing that we were lucky to have shared an incredible experience with an incredible animal. Loss...yes and at the same time a bit of celebration for the long happy life and the new connection Kate and I will now have. From Greenfield Farm to Stout Oak Farm. Rest in Peace Mae. You were loved deeply by two very eager young girls in britches and forgotten you will never be.
draft
9:13:00 AM

Monday, June 20, 2011

Honoring Sadness

There is a sadness lurking around me
Seeking to creep in and overtake me
with his long heavy arms and dark eyes

It begins with a feeling of fatigue
one that makes you say "no" to
all that is happening around you.
No to yoga.
No to the daily dog walking
No to the beach
No to it all...
because you know that no matter
what is tried...it will linger.

A sadness so profound that I don't
know where to hide it, where to
put it, what to do with it and yet
I feel it in every limb of my body
every muscle that connects my bones
it is living and breathing off of me.

It is a sadness bathed in glory as
it signifies the changes in life
that must come.

Good changes, hard changes.
Changes.

I am so tired.
There is not enough sleep
to cure this exhaustion as
each day moves into the next.
Today, even the sunshine
wanes and loses the fight.

I try to discover a sense of beauty
peace and wellness....to eat right,
to exercise, to try to overcome what is
trying to overcome me, but today I am
losing. Today I give. I am too tired to fight.
I don't want to fight anymore.

And so I will be one with the sadness today
and allow it to live it's life through me
as it must do with the faith that this too
will pass and understanding it is all
part
of
the
process.

Honoring sadness
counter-intuitive
yet a necessary
process
of
accepting and living
with
loss...

South Beach Martha's Vineyard 2007

South Beach Martha's Vineyard 2007