With each passing day I can see a change in the light. It's dance is sharper, faster and more fleeting and with these thoughts I can feel the long summer evenings becoming part of the past. The problem is that it is happening way too quickly. How could it be that today is September first? Where did August go? My plan was to take ALL of August off and even though I did that, I am still amazed at how quickly it all went. Where did the summer go?
And you know what? I am not the only one asking this question. Sure this summer was laden with rainy days and not enough sunshine, but still. The "feeling" of summer is what I want to linger, but last night, it was dark by 8. 8 O'clock and it was dark. I can feel my hibernation instincts start to kick in and I get scared. Scared that I am going to want to eat every bad carbohydrate that crosses my path. Scared that every morning it will get increasingly difficult just to get out of bed. Scared that another winter will soon be upon us..and then it hits me. I sound like my father! But, I am not meaning to. It is just that I am not ready for the long daily routines of the fall or pumpkins or mums or scarecrows for that matter. I hate mums anyway. They have to be one of the ugliest of all flowers...and yet I will probably buy some just to keep the notion of summer and flowers around for as long as possible. As much as I hate mums, I can tell you that they are hearty. That is about all they have going for them!! Anyway...I did not start this with the intent of talking about mums, but you know it is the mums that are the first sign that all of your summer nights and lounging days are about to come to an end. First, they show up at the grocery stores. Yes, I arrive to gather the provisions for summer night of cooking out and there they are. The dreaded mums! And when I see them I shout, "Oh No! NOT mums!!" Emma looks over at me with a look of dismay and she says..."yep, and pumpkins too mom" and as she says it I shudder and once again contemplate the notion of moving to someplace south of the equator.
Today I feel the effects of the change in light for the first time. Sure, I went to Newcastle Commons with Emma and her friends and the weather was absolutely smashing. Not a more beautiful day could be ordered. I mean utterly gorgeous! And still, I did not put on a suit because of that little nip in the wind that wanted to remind me of the onslaught of fall every time it blew. I wanted to feel summer, but no, it was fall breathing it's life into the atmosphere. Is there any way to fight this feeling off? I can feel my mood getting lower as I try to soak up all the sun because I know it will be gone soon, but it is all for not. The beginning of the SAD has begun and all I can do is hope that this year will be better than the last. Hope that when I get enough energy that I actually WILL order a sunlamp for myself THIS year!! Ahh...one can only hope!
And as I prepare a nice dinner of fresh roasted SUMMER vegetables and prep the meat for the grill I look up into the sky and know...it is only a matter of time...but truthfully...isn't it all??
Just thinking....
1 comment:
This is so sad. Summer in New England is never long enough. But, Autumn can be so beautiful and refreshing, while it signals the need to prepare for hibernation. Perhaps you were intended to live further south, indeed. It is only a matter of time, perhaps. Get the light and keep yourself up.
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