My weekend consisted of a friend's 50th surprise birthday party and my own birthday of turning 45. At these celebrations there was talk of deathdays. One of our most renowned educational professors at UNH died a month ago and the very young age of 58. One minute he was here and the next he was gone. To know Grant Cioffi was to love Grant. He was one of those very soft-spoken "gentlemen" who I was privileged to know as a student, as a teacher in his hometown of Barrington, as well as one of his son's, Rob's third grade teacher and later on as a colleague at UNH. Thinking back on my connection with Grant I realize he was one of the first people who I met that really challenged me to think professionally. I first met him again in the local elementary school where he had volunteered as a parent to be on a committee where we were looking at what was happening with our struggling readers. Having Grant join us in this notched it up several levels as we delved deeply into the minds and hearts of these readers who just had a hard time. I remember feeling energized by his challenging and thoughtful questions. I remember loving to think and work together to figure these kids out!!
At my friends party she told me that someone spoke at his service and talked about how Grant took her face one day and told her to "listen with your face." And that is exactly what Grant did! He listened with his face, responding and listening intently to every word, storing it away for the next time you met. And when you did see him, be it weeks or years later he would always remember how many children you had and where you were working and what you last talked about. He had a gift for listening...really listening...
And yet...as we spoke of him in the past, I felt a great remorse at not having been able to attend his service that was "beautiful" as accounted for by anyone I asked!! Hitting 45 was not a big deal for me because it simply stated that I had made it another year!! As my birthday approached I did meditate one day and had a vision of my own birth. Through the canal and then thrust into my mother's arms. Once there I envisioned looking up at my mother's face and seeing sadness, pure and utter remote and distant sadness. I am convinced my mother suffered from postpartum depression, but what a strange image to pop into my head. It kept me thinking and wondering and then wondering some more.
Emma and I spent a week in Hilton Head and everywhere we went, every store we went into we kept hearing the lyrics, "Live like you're dying..." and we laughed and wondered...are we? And what does that really mean? Are we living like we are dying? Capturing every moment and cherishing it the way we need to? I can honestly say that no, I do not. I do not in the way that I wish I did!!
And so on my birthday I decided that the day was going to be about doing just that. Loving and living in a way that embraced life not for it's grandiose gifts and gestures...but more for just what it is!! I woke up when I felt like it, and had coffee and sat in the sun sipping it. Breakfast was made for me..yummy eggs and toast and then there were no plans! And I was fine with that!! The day was a gorgeous one. The kind of day that makes you want to run to the mountains to hike or to the beach to walk and soak up all the sun! We talked about all of these ideas, but instead I decided to walk the dog and go for a run with Emma and Ruby. It was simply delightful!! We met some friends and chatted and savoured the fresh air and sunshine. Then we came back and I took a long shower without rushing!! It was certainly something that felt just right!!
Eventually we did leave the house and drove into the sunshine with no particular destination in mind!! We ended up at the beach and had a fabulous linner st Ron's Landing in Hampton with an incredible view of the ocean. We are so lucky to have this in our backyard!! A bit of champagne and good food and company and well...another birthday passes with great moments where I really and truly was in the moment. And of course it was a day where nobody was allowed to utter the word "no" to me!! That is sheer heaven. And the effort my kids put forth to make this happen was humorous, especially Zachary as he would be about to say no and then realize he had no choice! Oh the restrain!!!
And as I go into my 45th year here on this earth I am reminded, yet again, of how truly blessed I am with wonderful people in my life! Be they old friends or new, my kids, my family, my colleagues that they are what matter most. (And if you are not of Facebook then this is a great way to be reminded of those incredible people in your life!!) And as I reflect on life, on birth and on death I realize once again and I learn once again that it is in these tiny moments, like when Emma wrapped up a toy Jeep for me to open as her gift for me. (Yes, I have been on the path to wanting a third car, a bum around jeep that Em could take to school and I could drive along the beach!!) Yes, these small moments that so often get overridden with the minutiae of life. What amazes me is that no matter how many times I learn this lesson I know that I will forget it as quickly and so that is why we are reminded in life and in death that we are here for the living, as part of the living and so you better just get out there and "live like you're dying!" Beach anyone?
Just thinking....
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